I blew through all 300 pages of Masters of Doom yesterday. Go read it, it's fucking fantastic. Aside from it being consistently fascinating, funny, and getting me to wanna drop everything to load up TrenchBroom several times, I really found John Carmack's continued insistence that happiness is a closet with a computer, a Coke, and a good pizza amazingly relatable. I mean, I don't eat quite that badly, but I'm a simple boy. I want my Caby, I want financial comfort, and I want to be able to pursue my hobbies. Literally whatever lifestyle enables that is what I want.

I would've bought immediately a copy off Amazon to keep (I just read a PDF copy) if I wasn't conscious of the money I'm spending that should really be saved up for my rapidly-approaching trip to see Caby. I'm not sure how much money I'll spend in all; I know the flight costs are mine, and obviously I'll have my debit card, but I don't need to spend money on a hotel or anything because I'll be staying with Caby's folks, and I'm sure she'll partially be paying for anything fun we do because she's hosting me.

That said, here's a small list of stuff, for me more than for you, that I still gotta get sorted before I head off in May. (I know I've been saying April, but May is when Caby's school lets out, and it just makes more sense to wait that extra bit.)

• Actually scheduling the damn flight. I'll probably leave on a weekday since those flights are apparently the cheapest. I'll actually be flying to London, and Caby and I will stay in town for the evening and following together before heading back to Wales. (The UK is small enough that you can take day trips between capital cities! Fucked!)
• Enroll in that TSA PreCheck thing. Hey, if I get to not have my laptop drive wiped and not have to take my shoes off in the TSA line, that's preferred by me. That fact that I also board the plane far quicker is a huge bonus, since I have no clue how long boarding normally takes.
• Letting my bank and phone carrier know I'm going roaming. The former so my account doesn't get randomly frozen, the latter for international text and call support. Also gonna pay some of my bills before I head off since I don't really have autopay set up on the accounts and I don't want the house back home to suddenly not have cable while I'm gone.
• Clothes shopping. I very rarely go out outside of work, so all I have are my work clothes and then sweats and old t-shirts. (It's funny Setter always wears jeans, because I really do not care for jeans at all.) Caby and I don't mind, but I should probably make a better impression on her parents than that.
• Uh, quitting my job. I'm finding it kinda annoying repeatedly explaining to people who hear that I'm about to quit and immediately ask why I'm not just asking for time off. Three weeks is already long enough to ask for off, but when I get back home, I'd like to recharge and not have to worry about a job for another few weeks, and I know I'm not getting six or more weeks in all. I'm putting in my two weeks and doing things the legit way so if I can't find another job when I come back, I'm still in good standing with my store and can reapply. It's not the worst grocery store chain, it's just that my store is uniquely mismanaged. I still don't mind it most nights.

I've been feeling more alive than ever lately. I'm maybe a good 1,200 words off from having Kevin and Theo finished for Caby, and once that's done, all bets are off. I've been working a ton on cammy.somnol now that I've got a good testing environment. Lining more graphics, fixing misspellings, punching up alt-text, redoing pages, getting photo galleries ready for all the ones I'll take on the trip... I'm supremely proud of how it's turning out.

I'm just enthusiastic about things again. As I implied, I'd like to return to mapping this year. I'd like to make another EP this year! I miss how quick I used to make everything. I feel 2023, especially sitting in town, working right next to my best friend in the whole world, will be the year all that hits me again like a rocket.

Let it be known that I am still a fantastic worker. When the truck guys are telling you you killed a delivery, you killed a delivery. I know it's just grocery store work, but it was also three pallets of way too much wine I did all on my own. I carry that fucking department.

I set up a WAMP stack on my home server (which consists of a netbook :marf:) to serve up a beta version of cammy.somnol, for my use and to prove to friends I really am working on cool shit for this site. I hesitate to link to it because the pages are wildly unfinished, but the port is 1998, if you know my home IP. (And that's easy to find if you ping the Somnol Radio subdomain. I'm ~doxing myself~, ooh.) You can also check my profile on Discord, if you have my private account added.

I've been really excited about sitebuilding lately and getting this damn site filled out, and believe me, there is a lot coming back from the old site but better, and a lot brand new you'll enjoy. I've already been showing people the half-finished pages (like I said before, text is usually finished, they just need drawings) and they're getting a great response, so hopefully I'll get the graphics done for them and push it all to main at long last.

I'm also collaborating with Caby for her school final! We're finally doing a "my writing, her art" thing involving some Pennyverse lads and the Somnolescent Multiverse. It's coming out surprisingly good, and I hope there's digital copies so Caby and I can share it with you when it's all done and popping. Have some Gonzos (he's only a bit part, this one involves Kevin and Theophrastus the Apricot Bay librarian, mainly) and a snippet of the story:

It's a pretty nice turnaround from a couple days ago. I've long been a Failure fan, but the lyrics of "Heliotropic" were a pretty literal description of my early Saturday morning. No, I wasn't in the throes of heroin addiction, but it was pretty despondent either way. Realized I needed to make a few changes, hop off Blips for a bit (I will return shortly), and figure out what's been killing my mood and desire to do much these past few months. Think I miss making all sorts of stuff, music and Quake maps and goofy stories especially, so that's my goal. Whatever I'm idly fantasizing about in the shower is what my focus shall rest on.

Christ, I need to start updating this more. I never feel like I have much to say until I sit down to write an entry, and then it turns out I can't fit it all unless I bloat it to hell. More info on my forthcoming trip to Wales and some other fun stories of getting awkwardly discovered by adults in my life soon!

I expect nobody but the Somnolians to read it and I am more than happy about that.

Apparently a good chunk of my store knows about this site. That's a thing. I didn't think I'd end off tonight hearing about how popular "Cammy's Island" is, won't lie. (Was probably because I was putting the URL on all my drawings—I'm slow.)

This means that my manager was indeed reading about me shittalking him on this weird basic HTML site I made with my personal journal on it. I don't know if he's still checking here. Probably not. (If you are, what's up, gamer? I hope you're being more honest with your associates at your new store!) He took it in good humor though, apparently. "He's entitled to his opinion" was the reaction, and not immediately firing me. Cool! But uh, that makes every interaction I've had with him since he learned of it in late January incredibly awkward in hindsight.

And yeah, I think the more concerning thing was that apparently folks were passing it around for two months and just elected not to tell me. At least that should mean everyone's over it by now. It also means that I will probably not write that "one year of having a job, here's all the juice" post I've been planning for the group blog.

But uh, good thing I stopped updating this when work really got bad! I had to contact HR and had some sitdowns with the new store management and a bunch of other shit. I guess if there's still anyone lurking, I'm planning to put in my two weeks soon, ahead of my trip to Wales. Looking forward to the time off.

Actually, I lied. The more concerning thing is that a bunch of random boomers and Gen Xers at my store have absolutely seen me draw myself as a dog. Even my family doesn't know that. I sincerely hope that my Setter drawings are somehow on file at corporate. That'd probably break all of space-time, not to mention my desire to live.

Anyway, this place is still pretty bare-bones, sorry about that. Wish I had something other than the journal where I call my store managers ratfucks up on here, but that requires drawing and I'm slow on that. I do have lots of cool photo galleries and stuff I could bring back from the old site, plus new pages, plus I'm bringing the DSi to Wales so Caby and I can take crunchy photos on our adventures. It'll be hot. We'll talk more soon, I promise.

DeviantART started doing wacky shit with the front page, and if I can't even use it to passively browse art, it's really not worth my time at all. I'm ready to drop it. Kicked my ass into gear working on a little mari.somnol section I've had in my head for months now: my art gallery. Have a peek in glorious 800x600:

I'm really pleased with this. I've got it all hooked up to AutoSite and that Mac OS 8 look is just wonderful. I might stealth upload it to mari.somnol (as in, have it online but unlisted) until the rest of the site design is done. Or I could be adventurous and link it to everything else. I'll decide.

Not only have I had this on the brain for months, but honestly, it's been keeping me from going for bigger pieces, knowing that I'd like to have a gallery to put it on first. Consider that thought properly assuaged, I suppose.

(I have no clue if I'm properly focusing on working on mari.somnol, but I'm tempted. At the very least, I'd like to get the slight redesign of cammy.somnol done first, with the aboveground/underground sections I've had sitting in need of graphics for, again, months now.)

I alluded to archiving some of my project sites last year, and I finally got to doing that. Misery Inspires and my Gopher Repository are now on archives. It makes me happy that I got to make them happen, Misery Inspires especially (fuzzy high school memories with that band), but in two years, it'll have been ten since Better Nature came out. They have a new record out and I still haven't heard it, let alone read any of the press with it. I start too many projects, and it feels good to finally clear 'em out.

Also, today's my one year of being on RetroAchievements! That's neat. Still love this site, still got a list of sets pinned in the Somnol Discord that I want to go for, once I'm done clearing out my started sets. For the occasion, I mastered my 30th game, that damn Hamtaro GBA game I started back in...May 2022. :omegalul:

Been really soothing, clearing out files, calling stuff done, and focusing on myself again. Listening to music for fun again. (The Black Album that I wrote that piece on is actually probably my new favorite album lately. Alas, silly opinions changing.) Got into kind of a bad state for a bit, but we're coming off it. Drinking less, eating again, writing quest responses for Devon. I also got my passport! Wasn't expecting it until next month. Suppose it's about time to start looking into April flights to schedule.

I was avoiding even talking about my feelings about this publicly, but I'm ready to put it to bed in my mind. In truth, this is some stupid shit that involved one corner of one niche scene, but despite my efforts to carry on, it feels bigger than that to me. I got ratfucked.

I got ratfucked! I really don't think it's because of what I said. I think I bruised some egos by being a prominent person in that community who thought 3.0 was unnecessary, so they looked for the first thing they could claim was the issue and did it real quick and secret while I was at work so I couldn't defend myself.

Consider that when borb got kicked out of the hairdog community (populated by teenage girls!) for quite literally saying nonbinary people were just lying for attention, she still got taken aside and asked about it. She got a chance to defend herself, despite espousing actual bigoted views. I didn't. It was all bullshit is why. Even if it was about what I said, people on that team could throw around racial slurs and anti-Semitic memes and it was fine. It got an "interesting" at worst. Guess if it's not in the server, who gives a shit.

When shit went down with the Quake scene, I took it personally. This time, I feel no reason to. About the thing that sucks the most is that I thought the people involved were my friends, or were at least friendly. There was no private "hey knock that shit off", no attempt to talk to me. I was just gone when I conveniently wasn't there. Something something sending a message, like he's my fucking dad. I don't know how any of this is supposed to reflect badly on me.

I privated all my community videos tonight. My channel belongs to me again. I've cut my losses, and what's important will be back in time. I have other hobbies, and other people who like me. I got invited into a server over this. People reached out and said they didn't think I did anything wrong. All the proof I need, frankly.

I did finally meet the new beer lead the other day. I think we'll get along quite nicely.

If you want something nicer from me to read, I started a series on Letters the other day called First Draft, which is about albums that got tweaked or redone after their first attempt. I've got a few others in mind for the series, so stay tuned.

I'm also a lot more active on blips.club these days. If you're wondering what I'm up to, or you just want to see me tell people they probably shouldn't be posting about their dandruff problems, I'm posting several times a day over there.

Happy February, journal readers. I've been battling the world's most noncommittal cold ever the past few days. It was a bitch on Monday! A sore throat and mucus turned into a headache turned into full body aches and fogginess, but beyond that, every day has been a coin flip as to if I'll even be annoyed by my symptoms. (Today sucked when I woke up, but now it's just some scratchiness in my throat. I sound a bit rough but otherwise, I'm fine.)

The chilliness here is honestly more of an issue. Even with my heater blasting day and night, it still feels like there's a draft everywhere in the house. 40s and 50s for the next two weeks, thankfully.

I declared February to be Neglected Characters Month in Somnolescent, just a fun little thing to get everyone thinking about some of their less-used lads and maybe doodling them. It's been cool! I think everyone who makes characters has a few they haven't touched in a while (or a lot), and I'm certainly no different. I'm gonna finally give a bunch of my character ideas designs and also updated refs this month, sort of early prepping for AF2023, starting with this much improved Maldwyn to your right (or above, if you're using Mosaic).

Also be sure to go and read my commentary on one year of doing art over on Letters From Somnolescent if you haven't already. I redrew that old leaning Wyn for it, and it's been such a huge confidence boost. Making good use of it! Missed drawing a lot.

Boy, I think that last post deserves an update! There's been some spicy new developments, all for the positive, and I'll have to start a new journal page if I wait any longer.

Came into work on Thursday to as close to an apology you'll get from a two-faced ratfuck manager (and I'm not the only one there who thinks of him like that). "I was driving home that night, and I realized that you were really just doing what you were told." Yuh-huh, boyo. "Neither of us were necessarily wrong." Correct in the sense that he's right about it being a dumb rule, and I'm right for literally doing my job. Not so much in how he handled it. Anyway, I'll take it.

Especially now that I've been hearing rumblings of other folks above him getting involved in how he manages. Here's where it gets juicy, lurkers.

There's another guy who works the store, older dude, 40s, worked his life doing medical insurance until he destroyed his back, and he got hired here because it was an easy way to ease back into being employed. He used to work beer with me a lot of nights, so we'd chat. Funny guy, smart guy! His advice about "you should always move up at least every two years" has been my yardstick for measuring my own progress in jobs so far.

Anyway, he's not been able to get the hours he needs for months now, and there's been a ton of excuses, but he really does have a point that every new hire after him is getting a much fuller schedule than his 16 hours a week.

So, he contacted HR. And HR stepped in to demand to know why this guy was getting stiffed on hours. So that might've played a role.

I've also been hearing some of the lower managers threatening to also go to HR on the manager's insistence that we buy our water from the store instead of having it provided to us in the break room. (I do buy my water, but mostly because I feel like the stuff for the customers is less likely to be diseased than break room stuff. Even if that's superstition, people are dirty. And anyway, it shouldn't required, especially when there's break room sodas and sodas are 50c anyway.) Literally got free cases of water as a donation from a manufacturer and the store manager insisted we sell them instead.

The front end manager threatened to get her entire staff of cashiers to call HR about it. I think he's feeling a little bit of pressure right now about how he treats his workers, so that might've also played a role.

God, I love it when bad people get smacked in the cock by folks with much bigger sticks than them, but enough about MiloHax.

Anyway, beer lead position's going to someone else, which I'm fine with. Inverting my entire schedule and having to do a bunch more work with vendor contact, orders, schedules, and tags for an extra $2 an hour is just not my bag. If I'm gonna be doing more work, I want to also have less contact with customers, so get me doing inventory in the back or something. Otherwise, I'm happy where I am.

Hearing rumbles that the new beer lead person is normally the daytime receiving person, and she has zero experience with the department. Hope she does well. My future at this job (which may or may not last the year, I still have my doubts, but obviously I'd like to if it works out) depends on it.

Y'know how sometimes life turns in a weird direction? Yeah, that kinda just happened to me.

My store's in chaos at the moment. The beer lead (my direct boss) is moving to center store inventory, the former center store inventory person is moving to floral, several people got fired in the last few weeks for apparently stealing literally hundreds of dollars from the customer service desk registers, it's a fucking mess. That alone would make me iffy about sticking around at this store, but the store manager, a six-foot-something balding walking talking overcompensator (the type to rib workers and tell people to have a laugh about it), is looking to push his weight around, and I'm not a fan of it.

So let me back up a bit. The former store managers got fired around the time I started for trying to punch out a shoplifter. They were more interested in eating than they were in enforcing rules, so a lot of the old-timers got used to doing whatever they felt like, effectively. Given the pay and given that the store hadn't imploded from the hands-off approach, can you blame them? The current manager started last May, and he's got this grand plan to overhaul everything. So, he's cleaning house and moving people around.

Through a transition like this, I might be willing to stick by that kinda manager, but I've also ended up on his shitlist for various nebulous customer complaints he apparently gets about me. Keep in mind, I work a register where I have to tell people no. I have to tell people no when they want to purchase alcohol over a certain volume. I have to tell people no when they don't have valid ID, regardless of their age.

I am legally required to do this; I literally have a PLCB certification I paid for saying I would do these things to be able to work this job. There will be complaints about me, because people got told no and because I wasn't nice enough about it, and I'm getting paid $12/h. I will not be people's best friend for $12/h.

There's a stupid rule that the beer lead set up where people can't mix the "beer recovery" packs, which are made up of otherwise fine product salvaged from damaged cases. Given that I've been told on occasion that I was hired not to sell beer, but to do "literally whatever we tell you to do", I enforced this rule and got shit from this testosterone freak because he also found it to be a stupid rule and I defended myself. I later found out he'd instructed his night person to look for reasons to cut my shift short. Ratfuck couldn't even send me home himself, he had to get the old night lady to do it instead.

Keep in mind, I've come in on my days off, I've always left the department nicer than anyone else, I go above and beyond to put out stock, and I'm as helpful as I can be to literally every other department working at the time I am. One customer complaint later and I'm cruising to get fired for defending myself against said complaints. He's hinted at there being others, but I haven't heard of any since maybe early December?

In case you need further proof of me not being a shitty worker, I had a lady from New Jersey the other night tell me that I was the first nice person she met in the state. They walked out with probably $80 in wine and slushies, and I got to be highly amused by the antics of her drunk friend who was amazed she could drink in the passenger seat in Pennsylvania. Apparently, that's another stupid law, just a New Jersey one.

The store manager is very fond of pushing the concept of sales above all and to just take it with a smile, and it's getting a bit ridiculous. I've since heard stories where some of the front end girls are being racially harassed by customers and nothing's being done about it. One had a gun flashed on her. Nothing! Not even cops called. Further evidence of this came when I got interviewed for the beer lead position. In the process of the grilling, he used the example of a guy who used to come in to harass me and complain about me near-daily. "While we think he's an asshole, when he stopped coming in, we lost a sale."

That man only ever bought a $3 tallboy of Coors Light, maybe two some days. That's what sale the store lost.

I was told that my emotional health was worth less than $3.

As you can well imagine, this has tanked my desire to stick my neck out for anyone at the store. Normally, openings mean an opportunity for advancement, and I did interview for the beer lead position, but nah, fuck em. I'd have to uproot my entire schedule and switch to days for a $2 increase in pay and ten more hours a week, along with a ton more work doing orders and schedules and tags. They don't even know if the beer lead will stay a full-time position. Not worth it.

Unfortunately, it's also killed my desire to do much outside of work either! I didn't even write a journal about my four-year anniversary (we had a great time on the 20th by the way, and same with today). Just not been doing much of anything, outside of playing games for RetroAchievements. (By the way, if you've got an account, and you really should if you like games from the PSP on backwards, friend me. I'm almost in the top 2,000 users on site!)

The good news is that this kind of experience has helped me see what all this job has been worth to me. I applied for money and work experience, and I have both now. I've been asking some of my superiors (the not-shit ones) if I can use them as references if I do get shitcanned, and thankfully the answer's yes. Savannah also relayed a ton of her own experiences with wage jobs before she got hired by the government and said she never lasted much longer than the better part of a year in any of them, which was hugely relieving and encouraging. I'll be a year on March 30, so almost ten months. I've done fine.

Also good: we're expecting inclement weather tomorrow, so there's a good chance all my modes of transportation will be unavailable. I will be calling out if the snow appears and getting a two-day break for my troubles. If they complain, they can find someone to replace me. I'm a bargain for what all I'm willing to do for the pay I get. You will not find another of me. Fuck around and find out.

The plan is that, if I'm still working there by the time of the Wales trip in April, my last day worked there will be shortly before my departure. I'm looking forward to the downtime between jobs, frankly. Even on a good night, this job physically destroys me. A few weeks of being a NEET again will be kinda nice.

There's some pages and stuff I've been working on that I really ought to get out soon, I just have to finish up some navigational illustrations for them first. Have a sneak peek at one, plus the new way the site will be organized:

Drawing your site is tough, man. But rewarding! Highly proud of that guitar.