Remembering the warm summer nights
Everything is gonna turn out right
All the answers lie behind your eyes
Everything is gonna turn out right
All I want is to see you smile
All I want is to see you smile
Answers always are waiting there
You give me feelings that I used to get
Remember things that I had forgot
Get the feelings that I used to get
Remember things that I had forgotten long ago
You can read the trip diary now. It's properly done, posted, public. I held off for a few months because I wanted to get a few more BunnySetters done for it, and they're drawn now. Twenty-two exhaustively long pages detailing every single interesting thing that happened visiting Caby, and a lot that I'm sure isn't very interesting to people who aren't me. I'll be sending this out to both our families; hopefully it'll still be worth the read to them five months on.
I am posting this one everywhere. I am IN LOVE with how this came out.
I do this thing in my head where I always size down very big things like they're nothing. I did three new, full-color, shaded dual fullbodies for this trip diary, itself already probably an hour-long read, because it wasn't quite finished to me without them. Same thing happened with going to Wales in the first place; her dad told me I was a braver man than he was, making two long connecting flights as my first-ever flight, but I didn't even consider that, because I was so focused on being with my girl that I'd pay any price to do it. I struggle to swim long distances because I get tunnel vision for the shore ahead. It's occasionally bad for my health, but I think that's kinda cool, being conditioned to aim high like that. It's given me an incredible pain tolerance as well.
The trip diary still stirs up such strong emotions in me. I think it's awesome, I think it's a lot of fun to read, it's so vivid, it puts me right back on any given day (we were still pretty active on Discord throughout, which helped me gather up the details and logs as they happened)—but it also fills me with such a sad longing to return, to be with Caby again. I read it, and I'm back on June 7th, landing in that thick, worrying plume of smoke that had all the maps reading Hazardous for air quality. I'm hopping on a train to New Jersey, smelling of smoke, tasting smoke, and catching up with my mom about what all just transpired and how it's been back home as she holds the plushie Welsh dragon I got her in her arms. That's the road that's led me to today, finding a new job, getting absorbed in it, and all the good and bad that's came of it—but at the cost of leaving my girl behind.
To be clear, if I really wanted to, I could fly back over there right now. I have about four grand banked up, and I'm sure it's no more difficult to find retail work over there than it is here (maybe easier because of the trains). It wouldn't be a very good idea, since I've got a job currently (hunting always sucks) and I'd be living with her folks, and while they'd be more than happy to host me (they've said so, literally unprompted, I'm not assuming this), their house is full enough as it is. I don't want to take advantage of their generosity. My life strategy right now is just to work and have fun creatively and squirrel money away until Caby's bringing in a decent second income off her art (and I'm optimistic she will, given that there's lots of opportunities for an illustrator in her area as she's seen through university), then we pay for an apartment together, I start the immigration process (probably getting married along the way), and I go back to school over there myself.
Beyond the sadness though, this trip still brings me deep, life-affirming joy, something that was totally missing from my life for years when everything was at a standstill, or even when I was working to finance the trip. I met my girl! We hit it off! We were loving together, we were napping together, we were exploring together, and we proved every single motherfucker who's ever cocked an eyebrow at me "having a girlfriend" in another country that I've never even met wrong. Now, people ask me what the plan is, if she's coming over here or if I'm going over there. Her folks talk about the move like it'll happen in the next year or two; my mom has told strangers I'll be moving to another country soon, and told me not to even worry about a car if the move is soon soon.
It's not, but I appreciate everyone's excitement. I want it to be soon too. I yearn to be next to her again. After enjoying us in person, online just kinda...sucks sometimes. I'm without my best friend here in the states, but I felt her while I was in Wales. I would never admit it, and neither would she, but we sure thought in our darkest moments that it would never happen. And we fucking made it happen. And we can make it fucking happen again.
Gah, hearing her voice makes my brain shut off every time. Feelings, gamers. Gooey, lovey, needy feelings.
