Well, I am again unemployed. This is the first time I've ever actually gotten fired from a job instead of leaving. If you're asking "well, what did you do?", so am I. I got broken up with over a thirty-second phone call that just said "we're making some changes and your services are no longer needed" at noon on my day off. That was it. Wasn't like "hey, was good working with you", no explanation for why, just "Okay? Alright, bye." And no, there were no writeups, no paper trail for any incidents. This just isn't how you fire someone, but that's how it was done.

My first reaction was one of anger, honestly, at how bitchmade a fucking firing over phone call really is. I stayed positive about it for the rest of the evening and through last night's stream, thinking how that job made me a bunch of savings and paid off my student loans and how now I have so much more time per week to catch up on creative stuff, but something sad hit me last night instead, and that's kinda been the feeling ever since. I'm just sorta left to wonder what it was that was sealed the deal—and it really could've been as simple as the trust fund kids who own the company don't like me. Everything I can think of that they might claim was firable, someone else there was openly doing and saying as well, and usually multiple people. Maybe that's like how it's always been though, where marf bad even though everyone else is also doing the same thing.

See, what's funny is that they said they were hiring for "part-time help with the summer coming up" in the days leading up to my firing, and they've been training a new guy over the past week. They would've just gotten done showing him how to tear down trucks yesterday when I got the call, and that was the end of his training to my knowledge. It's not out of the question that was actually my replacement, and if that's the case, that's some hardcore bitch shit. Nothing was amiss. No goodbye for the night was out of the ordinary. I just left on Sunday, hung out on Monday, got the call Tuesday. She waited until I was far enough away to say "see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya" and then ducked the fuck out in under a minute.

I wonder if I'll still be able to peek at people's schedules through the app for a bit—if he gets promoted to full-time, I suppose I'll have my answer.

Yeah, I think that's the gayest part. I specifically asked during the interview back in August of last year if I was actually going to get told if something was a problem, and I got emphatically told yes, and the answer turned out to actually be no. This is why, for all the bad shit at Staples, I felt connected to my GM, an honest dude who understood me, explained a lot of shit to me, and told me to get out of the way before it was too late. I have gotten infinitely more honest answers from my first grocery store job where I was making $11 an hour as the asshole beer counter guy than I did from the cowardly fucking store manager here, two years in and infinitely better at the work and the social skills.

Fuck 'em.

For me going forward, the plan is pretty simple. I'm not gonna look for work ahead of the trip, because that would be stupid. I have the savings, I can just hang out at home for a couple months and work on art and marfGH stuff like I've really wanted to anyway. Then I'll do the trip, stay probably a month and a half (I'll ask Caby what's the longest she'll tolerate me, not like staying longer costs more), and find something when I get back home. I think I can finally start chipping away at my various music and reading backlogs and getting ahead on the things I've been wanting to do without standing around, waiting for HVAC workers with missing teeth to sell cases of Busch Light to. You enjoy your flagging store because your owners are too concerned with bringing in craft NA beer no one drinks and spending thousands trying to win glorified AB display lotteries for the princely sum of about half of what currently sits in my bank account as a peasant. Eat shit.

(Sidenote, I saw a post on Tumblr a few weeks ago where someone was bizarrely confused at the idea of a gaming/etc backlog? Like no, most people's backlogs are not like a business trying to hit quarterly earning goals—you just have a lot you wanna play and finite time to get to it all. It getting turned into a neat list only makes sense. I imagine backlogs probably don't make sense to people who only play three games, but y'know, whatever. Just a stray thought.)

I'll try to get this journal moving more as a result of all the extra free time. Buckle in. It's nice out.

I might sound insincere 'cause I'm
Wasted all the time, I've
Thought it over and

It's over

I'd like to thank you, my dear
In less than a year

It's over